Wife Swap
by AlicexWonderland
Summary: Alice decides one day it will be "fun" if she signs the cullens up for wife swap. The TV show where you... well... swap your wifes with another families wife.... Who will they get paired with?


**A/N – Hey! Okay this is was made by me but my friend Allie came up with the idea. Hope you like it!**

**Set after Breaking Dawn.**

**.**

**Disclaimer – I dont own Twilight. Now let me go into my depression over that fact**

BPOV

I cant believe this.

I mean Alice has done some extreme stuff without us having a clue but this crosses the line.

Little miss Pixie had _accidentally_ – according to her. Pfff right, just like when my truck _"Accidently"_ conked out – Signed us up for Wife Swap.

Wife swap was a TV show where you... Well swap your wife with another wife from another family for 2 weeks.

I've seen the show a few times and they always pair the family up with people who they know wont get along.

Stupid little pixie!

We wont find out till later who we are stuck with for 2 weeks cause _someone_ thought it would be handy if _someone_ had learned how to forge a signature!

I blame Emmett

"Beeeeeelllaaa!!! Grab your bags your van is here!" Alice called from downstairs

Alice was going to miss Jasper allot. One of the reasons we think signing up for wife swap was a stupid idea but we had left Alice with nothing to do which end up with either socks missing (I have no idea what she does with them, dont ask me. All i know is about 34 of my socks dont match anymore and Alice runs away when i ask her) karaoke, Alice running around the house pretending to be a ninja, and – the reason i am lugging my bag down the stairs – signing up for stupid and random contest! I will still never forget the 2008 beauty contest when Alice got the urge to enter Jasper and Emmett and amazingly Emmett won. He sang around the house for a month "HERE I AM MR. BEAUTY QUEEN!". We didn't mind, we were just glad he stopped wearing _the dress_ around.

"I'm here Alice" I said

"Okayheisouttheremakesureyouhaveevrythingand OMG DID YOU SAY GOOBYE TO EDWARD AND RENESMEE??!?!? EDWWWWWWARD?!?!?!?!?!" She screamed, rather loudly. I smirked. Edward was right next to her in the direction she screamed.

"I'm right here! You go blind or something?" Edward asked. "Gah, i think I'm deaf in this ear!"

"Sorry I yelled into your ear" Alice said

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEER?" Edward screamed back at her confused.

"EAR!!! EAR NOT BEER YOU IDIOT!!!" Alice screamed into Edward's "deaf" ear again. I smirked again as i looked over to the open door and saw they had been filming the whole thing. Edward shrunk away from the pixie and walked toward me.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and i hooked my arms behind his head. He leaned down to my head and rested his forehead on mine.

"I'll miss you, love." He said

" I know I'll miss you to. I rather not go, I rather stay here with you and Renesmee."

Edward leaned forward and kissed me. He held me there for a long time and i didn't make any effort to pull away. I forgot all about the Wife Swap thing.... And the cameras rolling...

"I didn't know we were filming a porno." I heard a human whisper form the door. I broke way from Edward and looked at the door to see them still rolling. Crap.

Edward chuckled and i felt a little body clutch onto my leg and it's little warm arms wrap around tight.

"Mommy!" I heard Renesmee cry. She was still growing fast but right now she had the emotions and body of a 7 maybe 8 year old. Edward let me go so could say my goodbyes to her.

"Oh Renesmee. I'm going to miss you." I said getting onto my knees to see her at eye level.

"I'm going to miss you to mommy." She said with that sad little girl face that made my heart break.

"Aw, dont be sad. I'll be back in 2 weeks." I said sounding near tears. " Just remember what i told you"

She started repeating what i told her " Be nice to the new person unless they are mean then throw a fit."

"and what are you going to go if they hit on daddy?" I encouraged her to remember.

" Scream until i break eardrums." She said sounding like she was repeating the alphabet. Edward smirked and i chuckled.

"And what happens if you get bored?" I asked.

"Mess with the new person." She said smiling. She was going to enjoy the last one. I added that one cause... Well just cause. Hey, i was gonna do the same the my "husband"

"Thats right." I said and i kissed her on the cheek and she kissed mine and i hugged her goodbye.

I walked out the door and and waved goodbye while doing so.

"GOODBYE BELLA!!!" Alice Screamed

"Bye Alice! Just for the record. I'm going to kill you when i get back! Renesmee remember what i told you!" I shouted as i stepped into the black van. I kinda felt like the CIA or FBI. I half expected to speed down the highway. For some reason i had the sudden urge to wear dark sunglasses and black clothes and talk on a little watch communicator. Yes it was random but CIA VAN!!!

I waved goodbye and watched the house shrink until i couldn't see it. I sighed and laid down, closing my eyes and pretending to sleep. Suddenly the car lurched forward and despite being a vampire i rolled onto the car floor.

"Ow!" I said. even though it didn't hurt. more of caught me off guard.

"What is that idiot doing in the road! I almost ran him over!! Now he is coming over and HEY HEY GET AWAY CAR!!!" I heard the driver scream.

I peeked my head up and looked over the sear.

Oh my god.

I stepped out of the van and walked up to Emmett.

"WHAT THE HECK EMMETT?!?!?!" I said "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM!"

"I'm sorry sis! I didn't say goodbye!!!" He said and picked me up into a bear hug.

I heard Rose try to pry me away from Emmett but he wont let go.

"EMMETT!" She said "We are going to miss my van! I'm sorry Bella!"

Emmett finally let me go and ran away at human speed screaming "BYE SISSY!!!!"

Like i said, I blame Emmett.


End file.
